How To Rank a Fucking Site?

  • how to rank a site

Here are free ways to create your site and improve your site Google search rank.

  1. Go to the goddamn domain registrar and buy yourself a keyword rich domain. Yes, keyword rich. A little bit of 2003 SEO is not going to kill you, you pussy. You want to be all fancy and brandable and New gTLD , go ahead, I don’t give a shit, just get a fucking domain.
  2. Hosting with domain is a must. And yes, install WordPress. Order shitload of articles and try not to buy them on Fiverr. Schmuck.
  3.  You need a big ass logo for your site. Order one logo template at Graphic River and rent a freelancer on Upwork for no-more than $20. Those guys will re-do the graphics to follow the theme of your new online venture, you know the drill, you dumb motherfucker. Toss a logo up there, throw an infographic in the middle of home-page article and voila, you homepage is set. Now you look like you know your shit, on the road for your new-found influencing career. I am just teasing you. Stop dreaming and take other articles so you can link to them from your fucking home page. Each article should read as if you are professional, but don’t even talk to me about word count, asshole. If your biggest concern is word count, it means your freelancer delivered crap.
  4. This is a web-site, all you need is great information and good looks. Sometimes looks will do the job, because average internet user is a moron. After you finished the articles check your H1’s and  H2’s, this is called on-site optimization, you useless assbag.
  5. When you are done, publish that shit for a world to see it. Now, don’t sit on your ass because you need off-site SEO as well.Make some fucking connections with content marketers (i.e. bribe bloggers) and get your links placed all around. But forget about comment links and spam, because that shit will ruin your site and your penis will dry. God, sometimes I just want to smack the shit out of you.